I just got back from a week off where I had the chance to travel to new places and see new things, vacating much of the routines I normally inhabit.
The insight and clarity that can come from time off can be so enjoyable, stepping back from the drumbeat of everyday life and trying on new perspectives on what we do and why we do it.
I love the feeling, new ideas, the hope in new possibilities; little flashes of insight lighting up my attention like lightning bugs.
I also mistrust the feeling of insight. The idea that I can simply learn something new and that it can change everything.
But hoo boy is it an intoxicating idea.
It’s certainly the driving force behind my desire to read as much as possible. And in fact there’s an odd sort of paradox here: insight is required for change, but change requires more than insight.
In an article I can’t quite stop thinking about from my reading on midlife crises, Carlo Strenger and Arie Ruttenberg describe this idea as “the myth of magical transformation”:
One problem is that this myth of magical transformation [through vision and willpower] conflicts with science. Our brains are composed of billions of neurons connected to one another through myriad pathways. Changing basic patterns of thought, feeling, and action requires that billions of new connections be formed. Such a process must be fed by constant experiential input and is therefore inevitably gradual. Our brains are organic structures, not computers onto which new programs can simply be downloaded. We accept that face when it comes to sensorimotor skills like playing squash but tend to forget it when it comes to engrained psychological patterns, which are no less complex.
Insight feels good, it makes change feel possible, sometimes inevitable, but change itself often feels bad. Sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes downright painful. We are all creatures of habit and changing engrained habits - thoughts, feelings, and ways of behaving - is hard.
I like the reminder that the brain is organic - 60% fat in fact - part of what Mary Oliver called “the soft animal of your body.” It’s a reminder that change requires intention, but that it also requires energy, persistence, and patience.
How do you reconcile your desire for transformation with the soft animal of your body?