I recently read this quote on
’s Substack“Every year, we delay some part of living. As we get older, each year is a bigger part of what we have left. But we don’t value our years differently enough. People plod through jobs and lives they do not want. Do they not know what fraction of themselves they are letting go? Is it as simple as not being able to think of an alternative?”
Middle-age math aside, I got a bit focused on the second question Oliver poses here, is the reason people plod through jobs they don’t want “as simple as not being able to think of an alternative?”
Obviously there are financial and other restrictions that may keep someone doing something they dislike. But in many cases I think it actually is that simple - they can’t think of what to do instead of what they’ve been doing. Which is to say the challenge is relatively straightforward; not easy, but straightforward. For example, walking up a mountain is deadly simple - just hike up - but it ain’t always easy.
The question got me thinking about how you might generate alternatives in a relatively straightforward way. So let’s say you don’t like what you’re doing and you want to come up with alternatives. Really, you have two options:
Do nothing
Do something
Do Nothing
Don’t forget doing nothing is an actual option. And sometimes the search for a solution to a perceived problem is in fact the problem.
Also, there are so many other stressors and points of conflict in life that may be impacting how you feel about your work (e.g., your relationship, friendships, time of year, geography, lack of exercise, etc.). Take an inventory of what’s going on in your life and evaluate the amount of stress it may be causing you. This can help parse whether the negative feelings are being caused by work, or being lived out at work.
If you’re undergoing a lot of life stress and/or it’s not clear all of the negative feeling is being caused by work, it may be best to be patient for a bit and see how things unfold. At least wait until the season changes and see if that changes how you feel.
Do Something
Doing something this is a whole box of worms. But are there really that many options of things you can do?
There are likely infinite ways you might enact a few options, but I think the options are essentially:
Change your environment
Change your relationship to your environment
Change your environment
Changing your environment is the obvious choice we tend to jump to, though not always the best one. This is what we usually think of when we think we want an alternative to the present situation. These are the big obvious changes: Quit the job. Take a different job. Move. Go back to school.
These are also big risk choices. And they require diligence. Are you reacting to fear or opportunity? Will changing your environment actually solve the problem you’re trying to solve? Are you going back to school in order to figure out what to do next? Will school actually create an opportunity to do that or just funnel you into a certain path?
You can also work to change your actual environment where it is. Here’s where the infinite limit comes into play - there are probably as many ways to do something like this as there are personalities. But, I’ll give you a recent example I’ve used that can either help spark some insight about the environment you’re in, or maybe spark some change.
Create a plan and write it down. Assert what needs to change at work and how, by when, for you to be re-engaged/satisfied/excited. Then, if you have the span of control, enact the plan. If you don’t, take it to your boss and lay out the plan. If this sounds impossible, or terrifying, that may be giving you some important information. But if you’re thinking you’ll leave the job anyway, and there’s a chance taking this kind of action could dramatically improve your current situation, why not try it?
Change your relationship to your environment
Changing your relationship to your environment is probably the most challenging option, especially if you’re already in the red zone or burned out. It also probably requires the most individual insight, and may require (or at least benefit from) coaching or therapy.
What role does your work play in your life?
Is work a competition in which you’re trying to be the best and earn the most money? If that frame isn’t working for you, try reframing. What would it look like for work to. just be a means to an end? What if it’s ok that you’re an average performer at work who makes more time for other things in life?
Is work an expression of yourself in which the excellence of your work sometimes feels like a reflection of your own self-worth? What if work becomes just a series of projects in which you do your best in the time you have, and learn to rest in the fact that perfection is an illusion?
The challenge with dramatically reframing your relationship with work is that it’s hard, and will likely require you to move against the cultural grain in some way. That means reframing and changing your behavior may make you stand out, which can be uncomfortable.
To be sure, we are not always in control of our work situation, or our thoughts and feelings about work, but we are equally not entirely at their whim. As Oliver puts it, you don’t just have to plod through a job and life you don’t want.